I cannot find the image I want to post, figures. Today has been a fucking shitty day, and I am just fucking over it. I am sick of being the hard worker and having everyone take advantage of me. I am sick of eating shitty candy all the way home on my ride to my house. I am sick of my FD screwing me every time, I think she has my back, when will I learn that NO ONE EVER HAS MY FUCKING BACK AND NO ONE EVER WILL. People are so pathetic, so useless, so unreliable, no one lives up to their words.

I can remember right after the salesman left the first time. My FS heard me crying in my room and somehow, I do not remember how it happened but he actually asked if I was ok, and I said no, shaking my head and crying and then he just held me as I cried. How does my child have the power to do that, when no one else in my life is even clueless to what I am going through? A son, a child, he was barely 18 take his mother’s heart into his hands and let me cry. I do not know if it helped him or if it was just pure selfishness on my part. But I do remember telling him that his Dad was my best friend, and I just broke. I just tumbled into my heart with all the pain that was present.

How could he leave us? How did this happen? Where is my husband? Why am I here? I cannot let this happen? We need to be strong for our children! and now it is just me? And I do not even have a fucking full time job? What about insurance? what about money? what about the boys college? FUCK FUCK FUCK, I am shaking, getting nauseated from just flashing back to that place. HOW COULD YOU LEAVE ME, LEAVE US! I just collapsed and I am not even sure how I got through it all.

I should have never talked to my FS like I did and I hope I did not leave him with any open sores, but he did help me that night.

I am just so tired of getting taking advantage of, and I am so so tired of no one helping me, not even my FD, when she said she would, even after I asked her.

I am better off just becoming harder, more bitter, more edgy, more of me, more selfish, more bitchy, and just fuck everyone else. After all everyone just FUCKING HURTS ME. I am so sick of being fucked over. Even baby E gives me the fucking side eye and does not cuddle, he only comes to me when it is storming and he is scared. Maybe I should become transactional and you have you pay me first before I give you anything.

Yes I think that is it, Fuck you all, It’s me first from now on.