I am not getting what I want. I am not giving him what he wants. So the rest of my life will be? will be what?? I am upset again, or I should say still. How do you forget a birthday? Absolutely no effort extended on his part, because he was busy? Because he did not know what to get me? Are you fucking kidding me? How about the email I sent you? Could it have been any easier? and you do not get your wife a leaf blower, or at least that is not all you get your wife. NEVER GET YOUR WIFE/girlfriend/finance an appliance, or anything useful without getting another gift that is the main gift. So how many birthdays is this so far that Mr. W has fucked up? or should I say how many holidays is it? So my last birthday he fucked up, Christmas he fucked up, New years he fucked up, Valentines day he fucked up and now my birthday. I am so angry, and disappointed and just fucking done. I make plans, I make people feel special ON THEIR BIRTHDAY, and what do I get? nothing.
I am so sick, of being the better person, or putting out all my effort and getting nothing back. I am so sick of understanding and accepting less than. So I consistently accept less than, and understand, and get hurt. Can you say repeating my fucking pattern?!?!??!! How do you fix this? Why the fuck should I have to fix anything? I did not do anything wrong.
Here is my jist of why my birthday got ruined. Because Mr. W was jealous, because I could not call him when he wanted me too. Sunday, my birthday day, W goes to work, I get up have some coffee, which I make myself ( thanks to no one) and sit in my big green chair. I am not sure what the day holds but I am meeting with the Dog sitter to go over things for the wedding weekend. AND I DO NOT EVEN HAVE A DOG!!! So I waste my whole birthday morning doing things for other people. FUCK ME, I AM a God Dam loser. After getting my daughter’s boyfriends dog, and having to babysit him, I address the dog sitter and wait for my sons to tell me their plan for the day. I end up getting birthday presents from my kids, not wrapped and at their convenience, at least they remembered my birthday. I end up running errands and helping everyone else, then W texts me and asks me to call him. I am in Target, buying bras, or trying to buy bras that may work with my wedding dress. I am with my sons, texting my daughter due to her work problems, etc. I text W telling him that I am at Target and will call him once I am home, and after the boys ship off. Is that OK? is anything wrong? His response is ugh. I call him when I can, and he does not answer. So he comes home, walks in, does not talk to me, and proceeds to do stuff at the table, ignoring me. I make my own dinner of left overs, and make his dinner. We eat next to one another silently, I put on a movie, I clean up the dinner, get a left over cheesecake with two forks, eat that as my birthday cake, and we do not talk. When the movie is over, I go upstairs to bed, he packs and leaves, giving ME ATTITUDE because I am not saying goodbye. HUH??? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME. It is MY birthday, and you are giving me attitude. You are being a dick, and I will not allow you to manipulate me into cow towing to you. Go FUCK YOURSELF. So W is mad that I did not call him because I was with my kids and did not put him first. That is what I got out of it, and I may be wrong, but he is not talking. I texted him to ask him why he fucked up my birthday and I get silence. Then later in the day excuses, I do not need excuses. After writing this all out, I am disgusted, I am getting used again by a man. I am getting ignored again by a man. I am getting fucked. I am sick of this. So know how do I get out of a wedding that is 4 days away?
No present, No card, No cake, nothing. He fucking gave me nothing. Asshole. Made me feel like shit, made me feel like I was wrong for expecting something on my special day. Made me feel like I was WORTHLESS on my fucking birthday.
One month ago, my dog died. One month from today, Fuck my life