Can you change your nature or can you just hide it behind something? Is hiding it being fake? or is it just playing the game of life and political correctness? How are you a practicing witch and not showing it in your outside life? Things have been very different lately, I have been trying or should I say I have made myself a promise, a new years resolution, if I may be so bold as putting that out there. I have decided to be good to myself, to take care of me as well as I take care of others, especially my family, and above all that my wonderful, precious, the reason I am alive, children. I can only imagine how it will be to be a grandmother, if this is the draw motherhood has. I also have been working on boundaries believe it or not. I am trying to use my intuition more and gauge people before I open my mouth. I have been trying to “read” their energy or “read the room” as the more popular phrase is. This is very important with a specific doctor which my “energy” annoys, it is very obvious to me, but I am looking at it with my witchy eyes, and I am calling my intuition to me and I am working with “all of that” to lead me along this path. I have bought a spirit animal oracle deck that I using sometimes in the morning. I pull a card and read the little synapsis and the journal prompt that comes with it. I have not journal about any of them yet, although I have a specific journal I have brought it to some of my coven meetings and I think it would be good to write some of these journal prompt answers in. Speaking of writing, I brought a book about a year ago, one is a self help journal and the other one is a book of shadows.Now, now, now, a book of shadows is not evil, or has to do with satanism, or death, or bad intentions, it is a journal with prompts that helps you explore your psyche so you can face, feel and heal parts of yourself have have been repressed or ignored. I opened the self help journal when I was drunk, read the prompt, wrote some hideous awful stuff about myself and then threw it across my bedroom where it sat, for almost a year. I still have not opened it, although I have opened the shadow book, and the first prompt was to write about my caregivers when I was a child. I had no problem writing about my mom, she was a good mom, and then she got sick and things sucked, however, now that I have her same disease, I do not hold any grudges against her ( well maybe there are some unresolved issues) but not as much as you would believe. I then put the book down and picked it up later on that day. I then began to write about my Dad, and somehow I wrote down that I loved him so much, but he hit me and I fell off the couch side and then he hit me with a shoe which put me in the hospital due to an asthma attack. I had to stay overnight, and then I wrote that he betrayed me. I got hit in the heart with that realization, and somehow picking my two “s” husbands made so much sense. I never looked at my father as betraying me, but that is what my mind/subconscious/heart/intuition tells me. I do not know if it is correct and I have not picked up that book since that day, about 10 days ago. I know that I will pick it up again when I am called to, but I still have not processed this information, at least not on a conscious level, but I do not like the word “betrayed” although that is what resonates with me. I will sit with this until the book calls to me again.
I do feel like this time of year is calling to me to get to know myself better, to establish boundaries and I will begin to know myself better. I so want to spend money, and go shopping and buy stuff but I am being disciplined and staying the course.
tankangel 