I do not know why I did it, I do know that I should not do it, but I did it anyway. I have been watching true crime documentaries on Netflix, and the last one I watched last night I was all by myself. My daughter B was at work, W is out of town working, and I was alone. I watched the Ted Bundy documentary, and Evil genius the day before. Why? Why would I do this to myself? Because that is what the girls watch at work, and it gives us something to talk about, and dissect since we are all in the medical field. We ALL watch Game of thrones, and that is discussed first and foremost, as it is an awesome series ( I read the books as well, well, up to the fifth book, as soon as Arya went into the house of black and white, I stopped reading the series) so I am a pretty big geek when dealing with GOT. Anyway, back to evil – Both of those documentaries above say that the killers were bipolar, yup, BAM, there it is. And when watching those shows, the lingo and gestures that they express where very familiar to me. Especially when in the Ted Bundy documentary one of his interviewers recalls Ted’s eyes going to black when he was discussing his “deeds”. I remember that.
I remember that.
So much in those films remind me of the salesman, the manipulation, the roving large eyes, the insistence of how their logic is superior and the total consuming hate in their demeanor when they are confronted with their past deeds, and their explanation of it. NEVER an apology, but an vomiting of words to confuse you and justify their behavior. Always from their warped point of view, always from how they are right, and never, ever, any empathy for their “victims”. I believe Ted Bundy, actually states that women are objects to him. The things he did, the way he acted, how he purposefully manipulated, strangled, assaulted, raped and killed his victims, was just him, just pure evil, complete evil, rotten to the core.
Evil Genius was even more confusing, but again all the temperaments of the woman, the mastermind in charge, were spot on, just like the salesman. Her name was Marjorie Diehl- Armstrong, and talk about ill, she takes the cake. She also has the diagnosis of bipolar, and you can see her in a full manic state throughout the show in some of the interviews. At some points she cannot even sit still, keep her gaze in one spot, or answer a question, coherently. And again, if you look close, she has black eyes, the pupil is so dilated you cannot see the iris. She was not as narcissistic as Bundy, but again, pure evil, with NO empathy.
I lived with that for decades, decades, and now I can spot it from miles away. Both of these shows were disturbing to me, and I probably should not have watched them.
It is good to be on the other side of crazy, now. It is good to know that evil does exist in the world. It is good to be on the lookout for that, and for me not to give the benefit of the doubt. Shows like this, do remind me of how fucked up my world was before ,when I was married to the salesman. I am soooooooooo glad he is gone, but again, I am always wary that he is right behind me. The salesman always went back to his exs when he was manic, EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. Just as he will be manic again, he will trace back to his Exs. There is no doubt that his disease will spiral out of control and it will be worse. That has been his path since 2000, with his first diagnosis, and this bipolar path does not veer. Every manic episode, has been longer, and worse. The salesman’s manic mind will devour his world and keep pushing to higher and higher heights. His last manic episode lasted for over a YEAR, and it ended up with homelessness, and now drug use. The next manic episode will be worse, FACT, and if he used drugs this last time he will the next, and whatever hell his manic narcissistic mind will want. He is evil now, and he spreads it wherever he goes, just like Marjorie and Bundy. Evil is real, and it does exist, don’t ever forget that.